![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
diresofhoran
May. 27th, 2009
02:36 am
480 today... getting there... tomorrow shooting for a lil less... banana in the morning... fish for dinner... yummm ^_^
Mar. 10th, 2009
12:03 am - Today
580 - and i still feel guilty.... i will try to do better tomorrow...
Jun. 6th, 2008
01:31 am - oh mother...
so i havent been on here very regularly lately and i am trying to accept myself more instead of constantly hating who i am and wishing i could be someone else... but one of my main difficulties is my mother.... all she talks abt is losing weight and exercising and blah blah blah. i am quite sure that she has an eating disorder... but i cant help feeling betrayed and hurt by her obvious disregard for my feelings by talking abt this stuff obsessively in front of me when she knows i have struggled with anorexia since i was 11. part of me wants to find some way to help her and the other wants to smack her and go cry and starve to death just to show her how screwed up shes made me... i really have no idea how to deal with her and continue to keep myself from slipping back into old habits... any advice or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated
cw: 124
hw: 132
lw: 96
height: 5'6"
sorry for the lengthy post... love you all
-k
Jul. 18th, 2007
03:47 pm
so i had my interview at davids bridal yesterday... i think it went well... she said i should know by next week... bah i hate waiting!... i really hope i get this job... i hate just sitting around... i feel completely useless... i think it would be fun to work there too... a good motivator to not eat too since a lot of the brides are so overweight... its sad, but it will make me feel good that i don't eat nearly as much as they do... school starts in one month now... so far i am registered for 18 units (6 classes).. 4 Journalism and 2 Prelaw... i would really like to get into another Prelaw, but none are open... i can't wait until i get to join the Prelaw professional fraternity... hopefully that will help me get into law school... i need to raise my GPA too... its like 3.2... i want to get it to at least 3.5... shouldn't be too hard... i'm wondering when i should start studying for the LSAT... i can't wait to start studying.. i think it will be really exciting and fun... i'm so glad that i discovered that i enjoy law so much... that's all
Jul. 12th, 2007
03:18 pm - worthless
i feel completely worthless... one of my clients hated the pictures i took... and i think they're quite good... fuck... i can't do anything right... i can't stand myself and my life... i'm just wasting space with this fat disgusting body of mine... i have serious doubts that even if i actually get into law school (doubtful) and graduate i will ever be successful... i will never make my family as proud of me as they are of my siblings... anything that my stepsister does is better than me... no matter what it is (that includes getting a job at carls jr)... anything my sister does is amazing simply because she's older... anything that my stepbrother does is great because he's the only boy sibling... none of my family really gives a damn about what i do... they only half listen (if that)... my friends always bail on me when we have plans (that i always have to initiate)... i should just stop trying to do stuff with them... stop contacting them, let them contact me for once... sometimes if even wonder if my husband is that interested... i try to talk to him about my problems... but it always comes back to him and his life... especially when it comes to weight (since he is a little overweight)... i try and support him as much as i can, but sometimes i need some support and concern too... i look at my life and feel completely alone sometimes...
.... that's enough of that
Jul. 5th, 2007
09:13 am - yesterday
... it went pretty well... especially since i had to eat in front of a lot of people all day... my grand total was 500! i'm going for the same today... need to work out too... its so frustrating when i get my period because i feel soooooooooo bloated... huge... luckily i can still feel my hipbones which is always good... bleh, i gotta do something about my skin... its so bad from period hormones right now...
another frustrating thing was that yesterday people kept asking if i was pregnant!!!! WHAT?!? of course not... i'm on my fucking period.. not that i advertised that or anything... but it was soooooooooooo hot yesterday i started feeling like shit... but why would they automatically think that i am pregnant?? i guess i look like i have a belly... this just confirms that i definitely need to lose more! i decided not to weigh myself until after my period is done... k... that is all
![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/roshi/palefaces/confused.gif){kind=small}
contemplativeJul. 3rd, 2007
08:42 am - bleh... messed up already
so instead of 180... now its 250... so here is the revised plan for ms. fatty mcfatsten
Breakfast - 250
Lunch - Broccoli w/ butter spray (100)
Dinner - toast and cookie pack (180)
Total = 530
![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/roshi/palefaces/aggravated.gif){kind=small}
aggravated07:54 am - first
first entry... hm... what to say...
i hate my fucking period... it always make me fatter... which is frustrating when i try so hard to be the opposite of that.... i can't wait until its over so that i can see if i've actually lost... i will have my hipbones and abs back no matter what anyone says i should or shouldn't do.
so far today
Breakfast - 180
- - - - - - - - -
my plan for the rest of the day:
Lunch - broccoli cheese and rice (270)
Dinner - oatmeal cookie pack (100)
total = 550 cals
+ lots of water and some diet green tea with citrus
![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/roshi/palefaces/envious.gif){kind=small}
envious